English Jokes

A guy named Bob receives a free ticket to the Superbowl from his company.
Unfortunately, when Bob arrives at the stadium he realizes the seat is in
the last row in the corner of the stadium --- he is closer to the Goodyear
Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter, Bob notices
an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50 yard line. He decides
to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the
security guards to the empty seat. As he sits down, he asks the gentleman
sitting next to him:
"Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?"
The man says no.
Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob again
inquires of the man next to him:
"This is incredible! Who in their rightmind would have a seat like this at the SuperBowl and not use it?"
The manreplies:
"Well, actually, the seat belongs to me, I was supposed to come
with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first SuperBowl we haven't
been together at since we got married in 1967.
"Well, that's really sad"- says Bob, - "but still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat?
Arelative or close friend?
"No," the man replies, "they're all at the funeral."

Three men, an Italian, a French and a Spanish went for a job interview in England. Before the interview, they were told that they must compose a sentence in English with three main words: green, pink and yellow.
The French was first:
"I wake up in the morning. I see the yellow sun. I see the green grass and I think to myself, I hope it will be a pink day."
The Spanish was next:
"I wake up in the morning, I eat a yellow banana, a green pepper and in the evening I watch the pink panther on TV."
Last was the Italian:
"I wake up in the morning, I hear the phone "green...green...", I pink up the phone and I say Yellow ?..."

A Quebecer, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper.
- "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.
- "Toilette pepper!" yelled the Quebecer.


Our 21 century

Our communication - Wireless
Our dress - Topless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our food - Fatless
Our labour - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our follies - Countless
Our arguments - Baseless
Our boss - Brainless
Our Job - Thankless
Our Salary - Very less
Our Future - Hopeless!


Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, and F are the letters for bra sizes?
If you've wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it's about time you were informed!
A- Almost boobs
B- Barely there
C- Can't complain!
D- Damn!
DD- Double damn!
E- Enormous!
F- Fake.


A man walks into a gunshop, he looks around trying to find a most appropriate gun for him.
After a while, the shop assistant kindly asks him:
- Can I help you, sir?
- Yes, I'm looking for a gun.
- Well, we have a wide range of guns, if you're a beginner I recommend this one. - says the shop assistant pointing at a small Simth & Wesson.
- Well, actually it's not bad, but what about that one? - asked the man pointing at a BIG Magnum 45.
- Oh, that's Magnum 45. It's a really powerful weapon.
- I'll take it.
- Of course, Sir.
After a while of consternation, curious shop assistant asks:
- Sir, may I ask what do you need that big gun for?
- Oh, it's for shooting cans.
- Shooting cans?? You could get something smaller for shooting cans. What kind of cans do you want to shoot at?
- You know, Mexi-cans, Afri-cans, Puertortori-cans.


What do women think at sex?

At age 8 ignore it
at age 18 experience it
at age 28 look 4 it
at age 38 ask 4 it
at age 48 beg 4 it
at age 58 pay 4 it
at age 68 pray 4 it
at age 78 4get it!